Who watches the Watches?
As a newly minted Picture Editor and thus part of the management team of a then-popular left-wing national newspaper, I sat in on a discussion about why the poor ate so badly.
Having only recently landed the job and as keen as mustard – and oh so naive – my feet were still planted firmly in the real world. OK, I was earning a fortune, but I’d not been earning it long enough to forget poverty. Plus as a working-class lad from Bideford, I was suffering from lashings of “Imposter Syndrome”. So I explained that much of the problem stemmed from the exorbitant prices the poor were forced to pay.
With impeccable upper-middle-class logic, they reasoned that fresh fruit and vegetables were cheap – presumably in their local Waitrose. They were perplexed, to say the least, as to why the poor would instead choose to eat ‘expensive’ takeaway food.
What will they think of next? As I expounded my theories, demystifying the enigma of the prepayment conundrum, I was struck by an observation.
On the left arm of each of the nine or ten heads of department in attendance was a nice, shiny watch – nothing unusual about that. But there are watches, and there are WATCHES.
Watching the watches
Whether hand-me-downs, family heirlooms, or on-trend power pieces, had these timepieces found their way into the hands of my fellow convenience store customers, they would have inevitably been pawned—not out of greed but need—each representing a fortune beyond imagination.
At this point, I tuned out. Why listen to those preaching to the poor from such luxurious pulpits? And so, I devised what I call the Watch Test.
Look at any hand that dispenses wisdom to the working class – for I guarantee, almost without exception, that the usefulness of their advice will be inversely proportional to the value of the timepiece that adorns it.
Fast-forward to today, and I’m sure that across boardrooms and editorial offices, similar suits with similar opinions of themselves are again chewing the fat – only now, the watches are far more expensive, and those thoughts are even less relevant to the poor.
Vladimir Putin may be known for many things, but perhaps the least offensive—unless you question where the money comes from—is his stunning watch collection. The crown jewel among his luxury timepieces is the FP Journe Chronomètre Bleu 1304CS, a sleek masterpiece that would set you back around £100,000.
Kim Jong Un, guess what, yes he wears an expensive Kettle, in this case, IWC Portofino IW356504 at around £10,000 or 11,197,800.00000 KPW it’s beyond the deams of almost all other North Koreans.
Jeff Bezos can often be spotted wearing his Ulysse Nardin Dual Time (Ref: 243-55-7-91). At around £8,000, it’s not cheap. However, he could have one made from unicorn tears, so perhaps his most impressive timepiece is his Custom Omega Speedmaster (Ref: 310.30.42.50.01.001) for the Blue Origin Mission NS-16. If you factor in the cost of the project, that’s one expensive watch.
Mark Zuckerberg wore “The Hand Made 1” by Greubel Forsey, worth over £700,000, as he announced a sweeping policy overhaul across Facebook and Instagram.
Elon Musk, a man of distinctive tastes, often wears his Omega Seamaster Aqua Terra 150M (Ref: 231.10.39.21.03.001), around £6,000. But he can also be seen sporting his TAG Heuer Carrera Calibre 1887 SpaceX Chronograph, another watch with a space pedigree at around £6,000. Again, it’s not cheap, but owning the company adds priceless kudos.
Donald Trump, whilst generally not known for his good taste that often runs to the gaudy, does have a good eye for watches, as both his Patek Philippe Ellipse and Vacheron Constantin Historiques Ultra-Fine 1968—both easily worth tens of thousands of pounds—are also beautiful watches.
Warren Buffett, unsurprisingly, has quite a conventional and conservative eye regarding his watch and favours the Rolex Day-Date (£30,000), also known as the “Rolex President.” This is mainly because of the watch’s popularity among presidents, business tycoons, and the super-rich.
Bernard Arnault, as a man with his fingers in so many luxury pies, wears a unique variant of the Tiffany Patek Philippe Nautilus 5740 (one such watch made £5.5 million at auction). However, the French magnate is also known to flaunt timepieces from various brands under the LVMH conglomerate, including TAG Heuer, Hublot, and Dior.
Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple, wears an Apple Watch Ultra (£400), which is hilarious in a different way, as I suppose he’s painted himself into a bit of a corner as far as watches are concerned.
Bill Gates—ironically—wears a Casio Duro (£50).
A cautionary tale
And perhaps in a cautionary tale, you could argue that Nicolas Sarkozy’s fall from grace was precipitated by his Patek Philippe 5140G-001 Perpetual Calendar in white gold with an opaline white dial.
In the lead-up to the 2012 presidential election, as he navigated the dense throng in Place de la Concorde, Sarkozy clasped hands with his enthusiastic supporters. But midway through, a sudden thought struck him. Without breaking stride, he discreetly slipped off his watch and swiftly tucked it into his pocket. The event was caught on camera, and the press tore into him afterwards, interpreting the gesture as both a sign of Sarkozy’s distrust of his own people and a tacit admission that such a lavish timepiece was unbefitting of his position. He was not helped by his friend Jacques Séguéla saying, “If you don’t have a Rolex by the time you reach 50, then you have clearly failed in your life.”
In stark contrast, his successor, François Hollande, made a point of wearing a modest Swatch.
Other watches of note include former PM Rishi Sunak, who was rarely seen wearing a watch at all, but it has gone on record that he owned a Rolex Perpetual 1908 (Ref: M52508-0006) and a Chopard L.U.C. 1937 Classic.
Ex-Russian president Dmitry Medvedev owns a Corum Admiral.
Fidel Castro famously wore a 1959 Rolex Submariner.
Leonid Brezhnev, General Secretary of the Communist Party in the 1970s, wore a Rolex Datejust (as any good Communist would).
Jeremy Corbyn sports a Timex Expedition Trail.
And, of course, Sir Keir Starmer wears a nice, safe—but boring—Tissot.
Perhaps it’s all just a question of perspective. Whether you look down on poverty from the privileged heights of wealth or are looking up from the bottom and see nothing but an insurmountable barrier.
For let’s face it – the future is never as good as billed. Never. That is unless you are a billionaire. For the super-rich, things can only get better.