‘Absolutely hysterical’: I went to Scotland to meditate with sheep at an eccentric wellness retreat
The Sheepy Sleepovers wellness retreats in Scotland allow you to hang out with sheep for days, and it’s an incredibly stress relieving experience, found Adam Bloodworth
“This is where Dougal leads management training workshops,” explains Beccy Routledge, gesturing around an empty barn. “If firms are on American time, he works late. We put the lights on.” Dougal is a sheep, and I don’t think Routledge or her daughter Rivkah have lost the plot.
Beccy switched horns for Hedgies when she sidelined her musical career to become the world’s number one sheep hype woman a few years back. I can confirm after a three day visit to Beccy’s farm that her career pivot was a spectacular choice. “What’s the first thing you think of when you think of sheep?” she asks from her porch, on a crest of land in the Scottish Midlands – south of the Highlands – offering pretty views of mountain peaks and raw scrub.
My friend, in fits of hysterics, has completely lost control of her food. My hands are soaking wet from sheep saliva
Sheep are nosing around behind us and there are clearly no other humans for miles. “Silly” I responded, thinking I’d nailed it. Routledge nods understandably in a way that made clear my answer was wrong. Turns out the animals are at least as intelligent as dogs and “feel a huge amount of empathy”. They might look funny but Routledge’s message is clear: it’s time we all took Herdies – derived from the name of their breed, Herdwick – to heart.
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Routledge genuinely cares about her six-strong flock, not least because she is one of them. We’re about to go and have ‘tea’ with them, but not before Routledge delivers an impassioned sermon. The animals view us as one their flock from the moment we’re with them – we’re not to stand up near them, and we shouldn’t reach out for a stroke. They’re flighty; any sudden movements can freak them. “If they come to you it means ‘stroke me immediately,’” says Routledge. “Drop everything else. It is a huge compliment. A sign you are a leader.”
It’s an incredibly mindful thing to sit with them, getting your hands deep into their curls to massage the skin beneath. Unlike dogs, they are autonomous, so for the most part they are unbothered by human affection. So it feels like a huge privilege when they choose to stand by you. After Beccy’s instruction it’s perfectly clear when one wants to be caressed. They have an endearing awkwardness about them and would never stand within a few feet of you unless they had to, so a human stroke must feel great.
Then a curveball. Surrounded by the animals, Routledge asks how I’m finding my life in London, swerving the tone from frivolous to something more serious. Her Sheepy Sleepovers retreat incorporates soft elements of therapy into the beautiful natural environment. With Dougal, the leader of the flock glancing sideways at me, it was hard not to feel my shoulders relax. Then I answered her question truthfully. “I get anxious quite a bit.” Having a sheep to pore over while you share your feelings is an effective strategy, as is Routledge’s genuine interest in you. She may do this for a living but you feel she’s also interested in connecting on a human level.
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Back to the fun: Routledge appears from the front door with metal tins full of food and the forewarning that these sheep can be “naughty.” We’re told not to let them near the tins and to only feed them small amounts by hand, but it turns out that is like telling a man stuck in a room with a raging bull to only wave a little bit of the red flag. These sheep have had tourists like me sit around this table before and, like raging bulls, they’re going to take everything they can get.
Beccy was teaching me breathing and counting practises for when anxiety hits. It was simple enough that I actually used it when I got back to London
The tin opens and one Herdie immediately headbutts the lid. It goes flying. I feel the box thud into my lap as Harrison plants his entire face into the food. He takes a comical sideways stance so he can fit his whole head in the box, his left eye peering at me as he demolishes the lot. My friend, in fits of hysterics, has completely lost control of her tin. My hands are soaking wet from sheep saliva. We tried to get the lid back on then bang! Another sheep attack. It’s hopeless. One stands on the flowery tablecloth. The food is everywhere. We’re in floods.
Then Routledge appears with a tiered cake display full of delicious baked sweets slathered with jams made from the fruits of her garden. Dougal tries to swipe the human food from the tablecloth. We anxiously sip tea and scoff food with the looming threat of Lochie tearing away our treats and munching them himself.
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We stay in an outhouse 30 metres from the sheep. It’s a cosy guest house where you could easily spend the week. A Shaun the Sheep board game lays enticingly on the table but we decide we’ve had enough mutton for the day. That’s not technically true, we did enjoy another serving in the Black Bull pub in the nearby village of Gartmore, the community pub that was saved by the locals after a crowdfunding campaign. Routledge told us not to talk about the farming industry in front of the sheep. When I forgot once, she covered Dougal’s ears.
The next morning, after yoga with Rivkah (wellness activities are combined in your itinerary, and there’s time to go to nearby Loch Lomond for beautiful hikes), we were back in the barn with the sheep. Beccy was teaching me breathing and counting practises for when anxiety hits. It was simple enough that I actually used it when I got back to London. The funny thing was, for 48 hours, I had briefly forgotten why I needed the exercises in the first place.
Visit the naughty sheep for tea (or a spot of therapy) in Scotland
To book go to teawithnaughtysheep.com or email [email protected]. Three night retreats cost from £549 per person. Afternoon tea costs from £68. Corporate packages can be tailor made for large groups