One drunken night that I’m regretting now
DEAR VEXED: I was at a conference last week and some of our clients stayed at the hotel. Well, after a bit too much to drink, I ended up in bed with one of them. We both agreed to never mention it again, but a colleague saw me doing the walk of shame. Nobody has mentioned anything but I’m humiliated beyond belief. More than that, have I put myself in professional jeopardy? Emma, 33, fund manager
OH, the old drunken-night-spent-with-a- client move. Not a smoothie or a smartie, but a goodie and an oldie. Well, actually, not such a goodie, perhaps, on (very short) reflection.
You don’t need me to say what you know – putting sex into the business equation distorts the purpose of business immeasurably and almost always for the worst. It damages your reputation as a professional respected for her workplace skills, not her willingness to surrender to the temptations of the moment by getting wasted and jumping in the sack because a woman has her (drunken) needs. Just because men do it, and a lot of women do it, doesn’t mean you have to. After all, you should be out for number one, and that means being a respected employee who is promoted and paid a lot of money for being on top of her game.
But there are a few things that mitigate what you’ve done. One: I’m assuming there was some big dinner and lots of people drank too much. This means that – in context – your behaviour will seem more understandable and therefore possibly more acceptable, to your employers and others who work with you (and above you). The other factor is that this sort of thing happens all the time, so although it’s awful and bad and potentially damaging, most people know the deal, and when the guy agrees never to mention it again, he probably won’t. Chances are, the business playing field will return to normal. If the dynamic changes, though, you may have to come clean with your boss and ask to be moved off the account.
As for the colleague that saw you, again, it won’t be news to them that this sort of thing happens sometimes. Just hope they take pity and pretend they saw nothing. You’ll be fine, just don’t do it again.