Office Dating Rules: What to Do (and Not Do) After that Coldplay Kiss Cam
Office dating? Here’s how to handle romance at work – from HR rules to red flags – without risking your job or dignity
A viral video showing the CEO of Astronomer canoodling with his head of HR at a Coldplay gig last week was a comms nightmare, but it was hardly a shocking matter of affairs. After all, whether they should or shouldn’t, office workers have been flirting around the water cooler since the dawn of the cubicle, but there is a knack to it. To ensure you don’t end up on any kisscams at normcore gigs, here’s our handy how-to guide to office dating.
1. Stop, look, listen, think
You do it when you cross the road, so do it before you flirt with a colleague: the stats are not readily available, but the accident rate is certainly not pretty, so think long and hard before you get yourself entangled in an office romance.
Finding your colleague attractive is understandable, but is it advisable? One good question to ask yourself before diving in is: would you fancy this person outside of the workplace? An overwhelming amount of anecdotal evidence suggests not, with the phenomenon even recently gaining its own theorem: ‘office hot’. “Someone you might not look twice at on the street suddenly becomes hugely attractive,” Annabelle Knight, sex and relationships expert at Lovehoney, explains. “You’re spending long hours together, navigating challenges as a team, and often seeing people at their most competent and confident, which can be a real turn-on.”
But think with your head! While 60 per cent of adults have had a workplace romance, over 50 per cent of lovers reported being the victim of increased workplace gossip as a result, according to a 2024 survey by Forbes, while successive scandals at the likes of BP, McDonald’s and now, of course, Astronomer, have proved matters of the heart can have career-ending consequences.
The ever-cautious Gen Z have already caught onto this, with many throwing out office dating to avoid the problem altogether. According to research from Employment Hero, 41 per cent of this puritanical generation deem workplace romances unacceptable entirely. Meanwhile, a study from Stanford University shows the office romance has long been in decline, with office meet cutes among heterosexual couples falling from 19 per cent in 1995 to 11 per cent in 2017.
2. Read the fine print
Think your company has an official policy on compost bins but not workplace relationships? Think again. In the world of over-regulation we find ourselves in, there is hardly anything without a section in the employee handbook these days – time for some reading!
It goes without saying, but there is a big difference between harmless flirting and inappropriate behaviour. We trust you can work out the difference, particularly when it comes to matters of power imbalances, but it’s always best to check if your workplace has specific rules.
Jim Moore, employee relations expert at HR consultants Hamilton Nash, says he’s seen an uptick in such guidelines being drawn up. “Policies specifically around workplace relationships are becoming more common, although these are often focused on senior leaders because of the particular risks involved… Almost all employers will already have a sexual harassment policy in place anyway, but workers may not realise that this policy can also cover workplace relationships.”
Moore added that such policies can encompass scenarios such as when a relationship fails, as well as the possibility of individuals being treated less favourably due to rejecting advances.
After all, workplace romances are nothing out of the ordinary. “We’ve seen a number of cases over the past couple of years, including an extra-marital affair between a married company director and another married (but to someone else) colleague. We’ve also seen cases where co-workers have contrived reasons to go on company trips together, so that they can combine romance with hotels on expenses. It’s surprisingly common, but only makes headlines when it involves high-profile individuals and brands.”
3. Don’t let office dating tank productivity
We shouldn’t need to remind you, but this country is in a productivity crisis, and your crush on IT support may not warrant worsening it. Increased gossip, increased jealousy, increased shenanigans – workplace relationships come with distractions that no number of atomic habits are likely to dispel, as well as consequences for your overall wellbeing. According to Forbes, over half (54 per cent) of those in workplace relationships reported work-life balance consequences, with 26 per cent saying it affected their ability to schedule holidays, for example.
There is, however, a sweet spot: the office crush. While a full-fledged office boyfriend may drag you down, a little office dalliance – now that can lift you right up. Motivation to dress well, be on time, spend longer in the office – it’s tick tick tick for you and your boss, not to mention you’ll want to impress your crush with an impressive performance review. So flirt away, but think before crossing the line into actual office dating.
4. Know when a relationship is career suicide
Are you married? Are you HR? Are you publicly recognisable? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, forget it: an office romance is not for you.
But alas, with 40 per cent of workplace romances involving cheating, you’re likely to ignore that. If you do proceed, be prepared to bear the consequences. That personal mistakes should have any impact on your professional life may feel outdated, but there are well-justified reasons why they do.
According to psychologist and author of The Power Trap Nik Kinley, there is good evidence to suggest that those in leadership positions caught making poor decisions in their personal life are likely to also be doing so in their professional lives too, indicating they are not dealing well with power. “Acts of executive infidelity and other personal scandals are companies’ business… it is evidence that the leader is being negatively affected by the position they hold. And the chances of this adverse influence being contained to just their decision to be unfaithful are remote in the extreme,” he says.
That those in leadership positions tend to cheat more is also not random, with power making individuals more disinhibited. “Powerholders are more likely to engage in both unprotected sex and, yes, infidelity. And though this seems to be more true for men than women, leaders of both genders are affected. These aren’t just the findings of one or two studies, either, but the well-documented consensus of a whole field of research.” Kinley is keen to remind that infidelity is not an inevitability of power – “being the boss doesn’t automatically make you an adulterer” – but all the same it’s good to bear in mind.
If on the contrary you’re engaging in an innocent, Cupid and HR-approved courtship, do still have a contingency plan. This should either be marriage, or a career change: be prepared for one.
5. Protect your privacy (and avoid kiss cams)
Like the plague! If you must engage in a scurrilous workplace affair, remember to sneak! Isn’t that part of the fun?
6. Stay positive: not all office romances end in disaster
Finally, a note of optimism. The office romance may be in decline, but it’s not dead yet. Plenty still meet their partners in their workplace and end up with happily ever afters and prosperous careers yet – tread carefully, but remain hopeful!