Lanza-grotty? Hardly! Why Lanzarote is actually rather fabulous
“David Cameron tucks into five-star hotel buffet in Lanzarote,” read a headline in The Mirror in 2016. Lingering over details like the then Prime Minister’s “all inclusive wrist band” and the resort’s “£230 a night price tag”, the newspaper’s clear implication was that Cameron was luxuriating in a paradise no ordinary Brit could aspire to.
In fact, around 6m British people visited the Canary Islands last year – equivalent to four per cent of the population. Experienced travellers may whisper rumours about the natural and culinary attractions of the more remote parts of the island. City PM writer Julia Leyland is one of them; during her visit she bedded in with a group of nudists and found a beautiful underground lagoon.
But the reality is that Cameron, in an effort to appear relatable, had chosen a destination far less exclusive than he’d have preferred. Having been criticised for taking his family to Tuscany for his first holiday in office, he spent the rest of his term flying Easyjet to cheaper locations trying to convince people he wasn’t posh.
But what if, like me and fellow City PM readers, you don’t feel the need to apologise for being a snob? Can you still find culture and style on the Canary island sometimes unfairly referred to as ‘Lanza-grotty’?
For a start, there are good reasons to try. At just four hours from London and with year-round beach weather, it’s extremely convenient. As a working mother with a young child, I was desperate for winter sun but didn’t have the energy or ambition for long-haul. Having explained my predicament to Oliver’s Travels, they suggested a villa in Puerto Calero, a yachting town just 15 minutes from the airport.
Lanzarote holidays: poolside cava, pretty beaches and quiet spots away from the crowds
We flew in the morning and by lunchtime my daughter was happily splashing in the pool while I drank a glass of cava – so far so good. Villa Markel is huge: three ensuite double bedrooms, a pool and a hot-tub set in attractive gardens with palms, cacti and volcanic rocks characteristic of the island. It’s a three minute walk to a supermarket well-stocked with jamon Iberico, barbecue meats and other delicacies, great for self-catering, and five minutes to the marina with plenty of restaurants.
The following day we took a glass-bottomed water bus to the neighbouring resort Puerto del Carmen, spotting bright red crabs, sea bream and rays along the way. Playa Grande is a vast, golden sand beach with calm sea and, though it is ringed by graph-paper hotels, it’s so big you barely notice.
It’s served with loungers and umbrellas, which are useful for those with children or delicate English skin, as the deceptive breezes on the island make it easy to get sunburn without noticing. We preferred the smaller, more sheltered Playa Chica, which is fringed by palm trees making it feel more secluded.
My fussy five-year-old was delighted by the volume of chicken nuggets and chips she was allowed, but it’s possible for adults to eat well, too
Wandering into town for lunch, we stopped at an Italian restaurant and were soon joined by a hen party with a giant penis balloon – but they were at least Spanish, so that was a touch of class. The next day we had more success at Puerto Bahia, a pretty clifftop spot serving grilled local fish with the island’s speciality ‘mojo’ sauces and wrinkled potatoes. Inside I was thrilled to discover a photo montage and signed note commemorating a visit by one David Cameron! It was a sign.
Aside from beaches, Lanzarote has cultural attractions you won’t find elsewhere in the Canary Islands. The most popular is Timanfaya National Park, an extraordinary landscape created by volcanic eruptions. Due to its sensitive geological nature, you can only access the park via coach, but it’s a unique, otherworldly experience. There’s also a restaurant serving chicken grilled over smoke from the volcano.
Everywhere on Lanzarote bears the unmistakable imprint of Cesare Manrique, probably the coolest person the Canary Islands have ever produced. Having fought in the Spanish Civil War, studied art in Madrid and exhibited in New York, Manrique returned to his birthplace in the 1960s to establish an artist’s colony. His incredible house, carved out of a lava field with naturally bubbling pools, integrates flamboyant architecture with the distinctive environment, putting every Bond villain’s lair to shame. The actor Omar Sharif bought another of Manrique’s houses while filming on Lanzarote in the 1970s, but is said to have lost it the following day in a poker game. The house is now preserved as the LagOmar museum and restaurant.
Manrique also planted a cactus garden that is like an amphitheatre with over 4,500 species of cactus cutting characterful shapes against the black stone and blue sky. It was his insistence on the ban on high-rise building and invention of the chic black-and-white aesthetic that characterises so much of the island to this day, that elevates Lanzarote above other mass tourism resorts.
Away from the crowds, the north of the island is more wild and dramatic, while still only around an hour’s drive from the more touristy south. At Punta Mujeres there are natural swimming pools created by the rocks along the coastline and in-land are the pretty villages of Teguise, Haria and Arrieta.
As for food, my fussy five-year-old was delighted by the volume of chicken nuggets and chips she was allowed, but it’s possible for adults to eat well, too. At El Golfo, superb fish restaurants sit along a dramatic stretch of coast where the wind whips waves against coal-like boulders.
In Puerto Calero, Amura serves sophisticated Spanish food, La Taberna del Puerto does proper paella and I had one of the best Argentinian steaks I’ve ever tasted at La Portena. Local wine comes from vines grown in the lava fields in little rock-ringed divots that protect them from the wind and are crisp, mineral and refreshing.
There is plenty of charm to be found here, however it does come alongside downmarket curryhouses, bars called things like ‘Shenanigans’ and a lot of other British tourists, particularly in the major towns like Costa Teguise and Puerto del Carmen.
But having escaped the relentless UK winter, I summoned the spirit of David Cameron and asked myself how much naffness I would tolerate for sunshine, a swim in the sea and the joy of watching a child dig a deep hole in the sand. The answer is a lot, and on Lanzarote you won’t have to put up with much.