Can I discuss my personal issues at work?
DEAR VEXED: I’m going through a divorce and I can’t help crying at my desk sometimes. I don’t want to be inappropriate, but keeping it all from my colleagues and boss feels bizarre. Should I confide? And if so, to what degree? Lucy, 34, IT support
THIS is a tricky one. On one hand, drinks after work and Christmas parties and the like all encourage a kind of matey relationship between colleagues and, often, with bosses.
But office romances are discouraged for a reason, and personal relationships of any sort at work must be managed with the utmost discretion. This is because that mix of the personal and the professional is dangerous. At the end of the day, work is a dog-eats-dog hierarchy, with a bottom line, and when decisions are made they must be (and are usually) taken professionally rather than socially. One of your friends may also be the person who ultimately may either take your job or sack you. Equally you may have to do the same to someone else.
The other concern is that if you divulge your problems at work, rumour can quickly spread that you’re unprofessional, and that your energies are not focused on work. Some industries require a toughness where you leave your home life at the doorstep. Bring them in with you and you’ll appear weak, or not up to the task.
It’s up to you to accurately gauge what kind of environment you work in. If it’s one where management encourages personal relationships and has a policy of sympathy with employees’ personal needs and struggles, then a divorce (or any severe emotional upset) would be a sensible thing to discuss constructively. If your boss knows that you’re going through a tough time, then perhaps you will be granted a period of relative ease in which to sort yourself out. Clever managers will know that ruthlessness will only make you feel worse and more anxious, and will ultimately hamper your ability to work well.
Request a private meeting with your boss, keep your admission succinct (don’t crumble into blubbering tears), and be specific about what you think you need to get through it.